Cook talk

Me: I love roasting red peppers. It's so soothing.
Derek: My favorite thing to make is seared Ahi. 'Cause it's quick. Just a few seconds on each side. Like my love-making.


Me: How do you say Spongebob in Spanish?
Christian: Bob Esponja.
Derek (giggling like a schoolgirl): Say it again. Only this time in your sexy voice.


Hungry: No necesito Gato!
(Hungry's printer spits out 30 lava cakes in a row)
Hungry (clearly panicking): Pretty good, sir! I like it! Chimichanga!


Derek: What's a good safety word?
Jonny: YELLOW!
Derek: Good one.
Bobby: AMSTERDAM!
Derek: Even better.
Me: Lobster tempura?
Derek: Too long. I'd be dead before I got that one out.


Bobby: I totally burned that one. Watch it come back. Just watch it.
(15 minutes later)
Carlos: Hey Bob...
Bobby: I KNEW IT!
Carlos: Here's ten bucks. The guy on 42 says his steak was perfect.
Bobby: DAMMIT.
Me: He means "Thank you."


Oskar (reading a ticket aloud): French onion, 86 onion.
Me: What?! Like no onion? French onion, no onion?
Oskar (shrugging): Es your people.


Jonny: Derek likes his fish like he likes his women.
Me: Raw?
Derek: Oily!


Me: Hey D, how was your date last night? Happy ending?
Derek: Two words. Paintball mask.


Bobby: I think I burned this.
Me (laughing): Our relationship isn't quite there yet, Bob.
Bobby: Huh?
Me: I thought you said you're ready for kids?
Bobby: Noooo. I'm saving myself for Derek anyway.


Me (handing Bobby a shoestring potato): I finally figured out how to make the shoestrings crispy. Taste this. It's perfect.
Derek (hollering from across the line): Hey babe, refire those shoestrings for 202! They want 'em crispier!
Bobby: You're gonna dunk his hand in the deep fryer, aren't you?
Me: You know me too well.