More cook talk (and a lot of it involves your mom)

Derek: "Bob, it's past 4:30. Where the hell is family meal?!"
Bobby (pulling a sheet pan of half-roasted ducks out of the oven and examining them): "Hey, Jen? Uh... no one ever died from medium rare duck before, right?"
Me: "You are so on your own with that."

Me (to Lacey): "I told you, cooking on a line is not easy."
Jonny: "Of course it's not easy! If it was easy, it would be your mom."
Derek: "SNAP!"

Me (busily slicing and plating Ahi when an order prints for mushroom ravioli): "Someone stick some ravioli in my steamer!"
Ash: "Please never say that again. Ever."

Gato: "Hey, you got my little balls?"
Me: (confused silence)
Gato: "You know, the little balls. With the crabs. I need 'em."
Derek: "He means crab beignets. Dude, listen to the words in your head first before you say them."

Me (admiring an enormous bone-in ribeye): "That is the biggest hunk of meat I have ever seen!"
Derek: "That's what your mom said."
Me: "Hey, don't forget - the ticket says to pepper-crust and char it."
Derek: "Yeah, she likes it black and crusty."
Me: "If you are trying to make me sick, you are succeeding, sir."

Carlos: "Psst. Table 23. Seat 4. You like?"
Me: "Eh. You can have her."
Carlos: "Heck yes. I'll make room for her Jell-O anyday."


Bobby: "Hey Jen, would you eat a spoonful of veal demi-glace for ten bucks?"
Me: "No."
Bobby: "What about five bucks and a lap dance from Ingrid?"
Me: "Make that a lap dance from your mom, and you can keep your five bucks."

Derek (holding up a peeled boiled egg): "Five bucks says Bobby can't eat this in one bite and sing the Brady Bunch theme song at the same time."
Me: "That doesn't sound like a good idea..."
Bobby (stuffing the egg in his mouth): "Here's the story of a lovely lady..."
Derek: "Dude, you have an entire chicken fetus in your mouth."
Me: "Actually, it's not fertilized, so it's more like a chicken period."
(Bobby starts gagging and runs to the restroom)
Derek: "Thanks, Jen. You get $2.50."

Jonny: "You know what I like best about you?"
Derek: "What?"
Jonny: "Your mom."